Letter to the Pisser

Dear Mr Tomkat,

While I do realise your pissing all over my door-step at least once a week is the only way you know how to express your deep feelings of love for the 3 female cats of my household, I must inform you that not only does it make me want to wringe your neck from the disgusting smell that only a strong bleach-assisted scrubbing will remove, but also that all the 3 pretty female cats that prance around tempting you with their bodies have, unfortunately, had their female parts removed, and so they are as butch as they come and have utterly no interest in you or your strange masculine cat pissing rituals.

XOXO.

- Ahmad.

Kitty time

Hey ya'll! GUESS WAT. My cats are allergic to fleas. Yes. After all these years (4+ they're so old!) of giving us fleas and spreading flea-ness everywhere, they're immune systems seem to have died and now they are allergic. It's so slack! Unlike silly hoo-mans with nails, they have claws and so they tend to scratch their skin into bleeding sores which get infected. And their hair falls off in awful patches so they look REALLY REALLY raggedy.

So after learning why their hair was actually falling off in bloody patches and learning what to do to stop it ( -$200 to happy vet man! CaCHING!) one by one we had to catch the kitties, put them in the toilet as they cried (yes they make crying noises. It's so pitiful. Makes you sad.) shave off the hair around the sore and rub in some funky cream.

Not fun.

So now the cats are paranoid, hate us heaps and don't trust us when we come closer. And don't listen to evil Dr Harry. FRONTLINE IS NOT AS EASY TO PUT ON AS IT LOOKS!! Especially when you cats are psycho lunatic street sluts who only come in for food and strokes. Eww.

Bad joke time. My sister called the cats cutters. Cos they cut themselves. LULZ LULZ! I know if life is so fair why do cats have claws. And cos the cats would only let the girls touch them (the cats are girls too) and they make all weird noises when it happens, my brother calls them the Pervy Lesbos. LULZ LULZ!

Ok. I think thats enough for today.

Aren't they cute??

Uni. Co-op. Joy.

Have I ever mentioned how joyful life is? I DON'T THINK I WILL ANYTIME SOON. BAHAHAHA. Clearly I am going insane. This is what uni does to ppl. Honestly. Especially lazy people like me who can't be bothered studying at all, but are on scholarships that require distinction averages.

*Sigh*.

My economics lecturer singled out me and 2 of my friends in front of the entire lecture hall. OMG how embarrasing. Just cos we were sitting up the back and talking. Bit deal. She never shuts up herself. Skank.

All people wanna do is drink. That kinda cuts me out of most of their social activities doesn't it? Ah well. I'll just dance around at home. I'm gonna drop out of uni soon and go enrol at the Sydney Institute of the Culinary Arts. I don't think that exists but if I did I would so go and join.

To add to my dramas, now 2nd round Co-op offers are now open, so basically I am honour-bound to apply again and get rejected again. Which would lead to me slitting my wrists and flavouring the earth with my blood.

Tasty.

Here is a little timeline of my relationship with Co-op.

Not pretty.

Now all I have to think of is something creative I've done, a time I've been a leader, a time I've overcome hardship, why I want to fondle my cats, and why God hates me.

Joy.

[via icanhascheezburger?]

Little observations about life...

I've noticed a few things since I've started going to uni. Some quite unrelated to actually going to uni. But still interesting life observations nonetheless. At least I think so...

1. Textbooks aren't very wallet-friendly, but are so pretty. Not so sure about reading them though. I'm being very slow on starting me studies:

2. Even when it's so very cold in the morning, it's going to get very hot in the afternoon. Strange weather Sydney's been having lately. Winter's coming too fast.....

3. My cat's like to sleep in weird places. Like their litter boxes:

4. Ranting about Nicole Kidman is an awesome way to make a lot of random people suddenly want to read your blog. [Edit: As an after-thought, people like Keith Urban too :P]

5. You can't guess a person's ethnicity by their name. James Vincent is not asian. Doesn't it sound like a typical white-washed asian name? SERIOUSLY! LOL. Not that I mind of course, oh great student mentor of mine. Ok. Please don't find this.

6. Global warming suddenly becomes an after-thought when bus-lines at Eddy Ave (Central Station) stretch out so long people pitch out tents waiting for for buses to get to uni. PERSONAL CARBON DIOXIDE EMITTING VEHICLES ALL THE WAY!! WOOHOO.

7. 9 am lectures are so not cool. Neither are people with bad body odour.

8. Family problems suck. But lying down on the library lawn with friends, munching on weird food and talking about ridiculous infomercials (i.e. Cindy Crawford's Meaningful Beauty with melons that have SO MUCH ANTIOXIDANTS THEY JUST DON'T ROT) is so much fun.

What cat's really talk about...

It's too cute.

My Kitty Cats

I thought I'd introduce you to the bitchier furrier members of my family. My digital camera can take videos as well; I hope they turn out good. The videos were taken by my sister, and hence feature the strange high-pitched voice she puts on when she's bugging the cats. She's also using the 'Home Accent' (i.e. the accent we use at home when we speak Malay and English. It's quite a funny concept having 2 interchangeable accents, but anyway.) I obviously sound way hotter:

Moo-Moo in Ecstasy:


This guy is the only male of the family of four cats. He's such a retard. A real brainless dope. No offence, of course. Remember that time he got lost?? Well now he's back and being a manwhore all over again. He is cute though.

Nigger Posing:


I know, super racist name to call a cat, but hey! I didn't name her!! It was my brother, being silly, and the name just kinda stuck. Well, we do live in a pretty ghetto-ish area, ah well. See there's another cat jumping around in the videos? That's Imposter! My FAVOURITE cat. It looks like its mum, hence the name. It slept on my chest the other night, nibbling on my chin.

Super cute!